I thought I'd get away without mentioning swine flu at all here. However - I'm ill and expecting to go into labour anytime now. I had a pretty rough night last night, and whilst I am feeling a little less hallucinatory today, I still have the cough, chest pains, nausea and other unpleasant symptoms.  

What is actually wrong with me is largely irrelevant - if I call up the doctor, or the midwife, I will certainly end up with a diagnosis of swine flu (I don't need someone on a helpline to tell me this - I'm sure I can draw my own flowchart by now). This will, no doubt, put other people into a hysterical spin, and me in a curious position - as a heavily pregnant woman who is booked in for a home birth, what would happen to me? With a diagnosis of swine flu, however erroneous, they surely wouldn't want me in hospital with sick and vulnerable people would they? 

I don't want to end up in hospital unnecessarily, but clearly if I am no longer considered to be "low risk" for whatever reason then I need to reassess my current plans for a birth at home (not being the irresponsible idiot the singularly uninformed Melanie Reid thinks I am). So I've done some research and arrived at the following conclusions.

From what I can gather, a fever can bring on labour (although being ill is often enough to delay it until the pregnant woman is strong enough to continue). In addition, women who go into labour whilst ill often see a miraculous recovery from their symptoms as their bodies take over the task at hand. The only other major concern is that having a high temperature could cause the baby to become distressed, possibly leading to the requirement for an emergency cesearean section.

As I am considered "term", then I don't have to worry about any complications arising from premature labour. Wherever I give birth, the midwives will check my waters/monitor my baby's heartbeat regularly to check for any signs of distress - distress is more likely to happen in an environment that does not adequately facilitate birth anyway (for me, as for many others, hospital). I've already been told that, should I need an emergency caesarean for any reason, I will end up in theatre far more quickly if I transfer from home than I would if I was already in the hospital (which is another two fingers up to Melanie, is it not?)

The only other issue I can think of is passing infection onto the baby once he or she arrives - but given the utter filth covering the walls and equipment at Stafford General when I had the Jenklett, and the fact that both of us were pretty darn ill by the time we returned home, then I think with appropriate medical advice and support we would all be better off remaining at home in this regard. 

So, the plan is to sit tight and keep my mouth shut for a day or two, rather than expose myself to a system that doesn't really know what to do with me anyway. If it's of help to anyone else, I found this information last night, which basically says that arrangements for women booked in for home births will be made at a local level in any case. I'm taking paracetemol and tepid baths to keep my temperature down (and hopefully my baby in). I've also got my eyes peeled for any sings of secondary infection, such as tonsillitis, the appearance of which would prompt me to contact the doctor more speedily. Finally, I am getting as much rest as possible to get my strength back up as quickly as possible.

And with that, I'm back off to bed. Hopefully without the waking nightmares which simultaneously featured Jeremy Kyle, Slash and Ina May Gaskin. It was a little overwhelming to say the least.

One of the suggestions for compromise that was mooted by children's saviour Stephen Heppell in his rather one-way conversation with us was the Tasmanian system of home education.

As it constitutes an unnecessary change to the status quo, I am completely opposed to it. And if this is anything like reflective of the general Tasmanian attitude to young people and education, it's definitely something to steer well away from. The Angry Exile says:

"Following on from an observation I made at the beginning of the year that the Liberals here in Australia are anything but liberal I've just seen some further proof as if any were needed. Tasmanian Liberals are proposing that school kids with poor records should be made to wait longer before they can learn to drive.

"Liberal leader Will Hodgman wants to stop students with bad school records getting their driver's licence for up to two years. Those with high absenteeism rates, suspensions or expulsions could have to wait until after they turn 18 to apply for a learner's permit. Driving was a privilege, not a right, Mr Hodgman told The Mercury. "If we can't trust students behind the desk, how can we trust them behind the wheel?" he said."

Now the Liberals are currently the opposition party, so this is somewhat hypothetical for the moment. But if home educated children are ever "brought in line" with their schooled counterparts, whatever their nationality, then who knows what we are setting them up for if we compromise? 

"Streetscene is part of Stafford Borough Council's environmental maintenance department and it is our job to keep the borough's streets clean, green and safe."

I've just seen a Streetscene driver throw some litter out of his van, veering rather dramatically towards me as he did so. Perhaps he's still learning the ropes...