Life is still a little out of control. I can only imagine what it will be like in a few weeks' time once there's a newborn in the equation.
Danae mentioned the importance of motivation here yesterday, and I wholeheartedly agree with her. Here's my tangential take on it, which I've been dwelling on over the weekend.
We went to see Antony and the Johnsons at Birmingham Symphony Hall on Friday night, which provided a much-appreciated break from our currently hectic life. In case you're wondering, Antony is a large, effeminate man who sings rather beautifully and plays a piano. He is accompanied by a group of remarkably talented musicians - from what I can recall, they play guitar, bass, cello, double bass, saxaphone, clarinet and drums. The music they create is a cross between Jeff Buckley, Arcade Fire, and possibly something a little like Tracy Chapman. I have absolutely no doubt that confusion must now reign supreme if you have never heard of them - sorry about that.
We arrived a little late and missed the first song, but as I settled into my seat and the music took hold of me, I began to feel very emotional. In fact... I even wept a little. But it wasn't that the music meant so very much to me - I am pretty new to it really. And it wasn't that I am more than a little hormonal, although I am sure that contributed. It wasn't even the cellos, although they can have that effect on me.
I finally put my finger on it. It was that each member of the band was utterly absorbed in what they were doing, they were doing it superbly well, they were deriving great pleasure from it and the whole they created was far greater than the sum of its parts. What's more, they were being paid to do it - what wonderful work! And best of all was that most people would never have assumed these people belonged together. Old and young, attractive and ugly, crusty and clean shaven, eccentric and conventional, overtly gay and probably straight - they were a motley assortment of individuals indeed. And they came together so beautifully and profoundly.
That is the power of nurturing your natural ability and aptitude. That is the power of organically organised communities. That is the power of people who come together voluntarily for a shared purpose. That is the power of individuals, not interventions.
It has everything to do with motivation, and if you want those things, motivation is something that you cannot force or forego - so why do so many do-gooders insist on trying? They are, I believe, fighting a losing battle - the desire for self organisation will always grow back like a starfish.
(I shall be returning to that little matter of child protection post haste by the way, hopefully later on today or tomorrow).
